I couldn’t process what the doctor was saying. “I think it’s cancer.”
My husband and I had been on a healing journey through a program at our church.
I had lost 120 pounds, graduated from beauty school and landed my dream job at a spa. Life was good.
But I had been feeling weak and tired no matter how much sleep I got.
I had a history of thyroid issues, and the doctor ordered an ultrasound to follow-up on
nodules. He called me into his office. “I am very concerned,” he said. “The
nodules have tripled in size. I think it could be cancer but we need to get it out to
rule that out. I want to remove the thyroid in the next three weeks. Your blood is
not clotting correctly and I need to know why. You’ll need to see a hematologist…
Do you want children? That won’t be possible.”
He probably said more, but my brain shut down. My mind went to rubbing lotion
on my aunt’s feet the day she passed away of cancer.
I also remembered a New Year’s Eve church service when a prophet called me out
saying, “You lost an aunt to cancer… cancer will never touch you or your family
I had never been so scared. We fasted and prayed and reached out to people. I
would pray things like, “Lord, please let me watch my children grow. Please don’t
leave my husband alone. Give me more faith when I am so frustrated and angry.
Lord, please guide us to a new church family.” All I heard was silence.
The surgeon removed my thyroid and 8 lymph nodes. When I went back in for the
results he shook his head and said, “You need to go buy a lottery ticket tonight!
You’re one lucky woman… cancer free!”
I told him, “That’s my God! My healer!”
My husband and I just held each other. After 23 years together that hug felt
different. It was full of hope, f
ull of praise, full of thankfulness. It was an embrace
that overflowed with a thousand words but in deep silence.
A month later we were walking hand in hand at the Blue Hill Fair. One of the
nurses who attended my surgery was surprised to see me. “Um, you shouldn’t be
here in your condition,” he said.I quickly responded, “I’m cancer free!”
Now when I lift up my voice in praise and worship singing, “You are good, good,
always” it hits my heart a little differently. In the chaos, in the joy, and in the silent
chapters of my life, God, you are always good!